Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation...the other eight are unimportant.

   --Henry Miller


FPP2 Cover
April 4, 2005

As news spreads that teens who pledge chastity have lots more kinky sex, millions of aging boomers ask: Where was Bush when I was in high school?

--from the Bill Maher Show

New Rule: Abstinence pledges make you horny. A new eight-year study just released reveals that American teenagers who take "virginity" pledges of the sort so favored by the Bush administration wind up with just as many STDs as the other kids.

But that's not all -- taking the pledges also makes a teenage girl six times more likely to perform oral sex, and a boy four times more likely to get anal. Which leads me to an important question: where were these pledges when I was in high school?

Seriously, when I was a teenager, the only kids having anal intercourse were the ones who missed. My idea of lubrication was oiling my bike chain. If I had known I could have been getting porn star sex the same year I took Algebra II, simply by joining up with the Christian right, I'd have been so down with Jesus they would have had to pry me out of the pew.

For a bunch of teens raised on creationism, these red state kids today are pretty evolved -- sexually, anyway, and for that they can thank all who joined forces to try and legislate away human nature, specifically the ineluctable urge of teenagers to hump.

Yes, the "What do we tell the children?" crowd apparently decided not to tell them anything. Because people who talk about pee-pees are potty-mouths. And so armed with limited knowledge, and believing regular, vaginal intercourse to be either immaculate or filthy dirty, these kids did with their pledge what everybody does with contracts: they found loopholes. Two of them to be exact.

Is there any greater irony than the fact that the Christian Right actually got their precious little adolescent daughters to say to their freshly scrubbed boyfriends: "Please, I want to remain pure for my wedding night, so only in the ass. Then I'll blow you." Well, at least these kids are really thinking outside the box.

There's a lot worse things than teenagers having sex, namely, teenagers NOT having sex. Here's something you'll never hear: "That suicide bomber blew himself up because he was having too much sex. Sex, sex, sex, non-stop. All that crazy Arab ever had was sex, and look what happened."

Well, that's our story -- of how faith and the party of smaller government combined to turn your kids into a generation of super-freaks. Which shouldn't be surprising: Prohibition didn't work, "Just say no" didn't work, and I understand there's a host of Americans who illegally obtain and smoke marijuana. They're the ones who've been giggling every time I say anal sex.

April 1, 2005

WASHINGTON, D.C. In a surprise press conference in the Rose Garden this morning, President Bush announced his new agenda for sex education in America. The President admitted that his former "abstinence-only" agenda was outdated and not aligned with reality, and provided reporters with his new ten-point plan for sex education, which actually will include education.

"People like to fuck!" he pointed out with his customary smirk. "I just forgot for a while what it was like to be a teenager, because they've made me be so uptight around here, propping me up as their neo-con puppet boy." The President explained that he read a report linked to on Clean Sheets ("hot little magazine!" he snickered toward Laura in the background) that pointed out that virginity pledges don't reduce the rates of STD's, and that teenagers were just getting kinkier while being dumb.

"Dumb!" he exclaimed, "I remember that perfectly! Kids never stop fucking once they get the urge, everybody knows that!" Mrs. Bush looked at him doubtfully, perhaps trying to remember, but never stopped smiling.

"Safe, intelligent, healthy sex education that admits that people are sexual human beings and deserve to be treated with honesty and respect. It has been a mistake to try and put blinders on everyone and ignore what really goes on...that's it! That's it!....." -- President Bush began to stammer, but also began to glow with the delight of a student who has fianlly figured out the answer to that important exam question so long ago -- "...that's it! That's the one single mistake I ever made in my entire life!"

Reporters are said not to have been fooled, and the surprised silence was broken only by the hurried clicking of keys as they all began to research the wisdom of Clean Sheets.

--Susannah Indigo

March 23, 2005

Virginity Pledges Don't Reduce Rates of STD's, Study Finds:

"...Although many avoided vaginal intercourse to "technically preserve their virginity," Prof. Bruckner said, they were more likely than their counterparts to have oral and anal sex, and to do so without condoms."

Read the rest here.

March 21, 2005

for spring

"How to Hypnotize a Man" (and plenty of women too!) -- ..with one simple click of your mouse.

March 14, 2005

on the radio

Bondage Radio Hits Its Target Audience

Some radio stations try to beat the competition, but one Internet radio station prefers to beat its listeners.

For the last seven years, has been supplying news, talk, and music hits to kinksters around the world.

Station owner Paul Coates says the online station hits a unique demographic of fetishists, many of whom he says live in rural areas where there aren't many dominants and submissives.

As you might expect, S&M themed songs like "Chains" or "Whip It" are part of the playlist, but the disc jockeys also have their own personalities.

One of the most popular disc jockeys is "Rolling Thunder," a dominant who plays country songs with a submissive slant -- like "Stand By Your Man."

Another show features two dance disc jockeys named "Sweet" and "Groove," who act out a master-slave relationship on the air.

Coates claims BondageRadio is the first fetish-oriented radio station in the world, and figures it's also the best because, as he puts it, "seven competing stations have started since we did, and we've beaten them all."

March 7, 2005

New York City

A funny report from the post-screening panel event for "Inside Deep Throat," which included Catherine McKinnon:

"The boisterous audience included a clutch of entertainers like Bebe Neuwirth, Claire Danes, Fred Schneider, Scot Whitman, John Epperson aka Lypsinka, Jason Bateman, Ron Silver joined at the hip to doppelganger Alan Dershowitz, and Gwyneth Paltrow. There were reams of scribes: Erica Jong, Tina Brown, the Page Six posse, Cintra Wilson, Emma Forest. And a gaggle of documentarians: Andrew Jarecki (Capturing the Friedmans), Shari Berman (American Splendor), Todd Graff (Camp), and Barbara Kopple (My Generation)...."

"...Catherine McKinnon did her thing, claiming that the film we had just watched was promoting the acceptance of rape. At one point, however, her righteous zeal became unhinged when she claimed that it was not possible to do deep throat safely, that it was a dangerous act that could only be done under hypnosis. "What's so funny?" she snapped as the audience rippled with mirth. Todd Graff's hand shot up -- "I can do it," he said, and the room echoed with a chorus of gay men going "me too!" (Gigi Grazer - wife of Brian - later told Graff to stop bragging, and that she could do it better than him and had the rocks on her fingers to prove it. Touché)...."

Read the rest here.

March 3, 2005

...almost as pretty as our favorite naked protestors!

February 26, 2005

at Babeland

Just in time for Oscar night, Babeland gives us their staff selections for Best Porn Movies of 2004!

February 21, 2005


A picture worth a thousand words, from Celebrating Yoni.

February 18, 2005

Jennifer Beals

on Showtime

"'The L Word' is the definitive new 'Sex and the City,' only with more true sex and more dramatic intent..."

Season 2 of the sexiest show around (with Jennifer Beals of 'Flashdance' fame) starts this Sunday! Read the rest of the review in the San Francisco Chronicle.

February 15, 2005

at home

"My second-grade daughter is rummaging around in my bathroom drawer (as second-grade daughters sometimes do) and she makes a rather unfortunate discovery. She wanders out of the bathroom holding a small butt plug, and asks, 'What's this, Mommy?'".....

Read the rest of this article about the challenge of maintaining a S/M romance for a stay-at-home mom with three small children, in Good Vibes Magazine.

February 11, 2005


Visit the gallery of Alexander Paulin's beautiful black and white nudes.

February 7, 2005

Because it's Monday, and it's cute & funny & catchy & maybe even profoundly true... check out Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me, in full bunny animation.

February 3, 2005

It seems like New York artist Lisa Alisa's sexy, sometimes violent, and always provocative acrylic paintings and drawings are everywhere these days; they're featured in gallery exhibitions in Pittsburgh, Los Angeles, and San Francisco this month alone. How does she respond to the controversy her work occasionally stirs up? "Life is a violent and beautiful thing, you die from it. My art is nothing but a portrayal of everyday life...My art explores the depth of horror, dreams of nonchalance, and aims to bring a catharsis." Whether or not it brings you to that point, it's still some pretty great stuff.

January 27, 2005

Here are the Lambda Literary Award book finalists for 2005, including the erotica category. The awards ceremony takes place in New York City in June.

Congratulations to all finalists!

January 24, 2005

from Burning Man, of course...

January 20, 2005

a slight pause in sex notes, to note this mostly unhumorous inauguration day in America

Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?

January 17, 2005
Violet Blue

Las Vegas

From Violet Blue's report on the AVN Adult Expo in Las Vegas:

porn star plane crash (1/13):

A dismembered hand, gnarled, curled up in what could only be a death grip. A hacked-off pair of feet, seared together from what must have been scorching heat and violent fire, leaving only a tiny gap between. Horrifying torsos, with limbs chopped off in a gruesomely rude accident that must have involved astounding force and flying metal to have removed the parts as cleanly as a serial killer. And the genitalia, everywhere -- severed penises, rendered-apart vulvas in various states, some with hair and some without, all with the ghastly color of dead flesh. All cool to the touch. Surely I had arrived late into the scene of the crash.

Or maybe I was standing in the middle of the Adult Video Expo in the business-to-business section, surrounded by the latest crop of sex toys. Okay, I was, but you get the idea. With all the parts on display in the other parts of the expo, and the Hannibal Lecter cooking hour assembly in the back, it was hard not to feel the disconnect. It was Thursday....

Read the rest here; and don't miss her photoblog here!

January 16, 2005


Photographer Petter Hegre visited Kiev with Luba to see in the New Year with her family and watch all the street action first hand. But it's not all politics...he's continuing his quest to bring back to Hegre-Archives the most beautiful girls on the planet, and where better to look than in the Ukrainian capital in these heady days of orange freedom.

January 5, 2005

San Francisco

Save that porn!

Carol Queen wants your old porn.

Not right now, not if you're using it. But later, when you want to purge it, replace it or, you know, when you're gone you could leave it to her in your will.

Queen will add it to the growing collection of erotica in the library of the Center for Sex and Culture. The center already has 7,000 erotic books, 2,000 adult videotapes, 2,000 to 3,000 magazines and 1,000 pieces of erotic art. There is also a collection of old and antique sexual devices...

Read the rest here

January 1, 2005

on the Web

Because we never feature quite enough big dicks and bare butts in Clean Sheets...except in words, of course! .... here to keep you busy for the new year is Fleshbot's Big Muscle of the Week page, which will take you onward for a peek at the Big Muscle personals, and its delightful cousin, Big Muscle Bears.

December 29, 2004

Ypsilanti, Michigan

There has got to be a better word for it than "dry hump." I mean, come on..."dry hump" sounds...well...dry: dull, boring, fifth-rate sex, what you do when you're too young to fuck, it's still a bit too early to fuck (but you want to really bad!), or you don't have a condom handy, any of which or more may be true at the time but none of which even comes close to the truth.

He lay back on the couch and pulled me onto him, sexy in and of itself but even better on a nice, solid body like his, just right for lying on, for wrapping my legs around. We started with kissing, which gets addictive with him very quickly, and escalated into a hot, sweet grind, hair and clothes soaked in sweat, faces soaked in sweat and spit from open mouths going from mouth to neck and back again. My cunt was a thick, buried knot, and I was dead certain I was going to have a dick-shaped bruise on my pubic bone come morning, but we didn't stop until my arthritic shoulders were screaming in protest and we were both completely drenched.

And the only expression the English language has for this is a "dry hump"? Give me a break!

December 20, 2004


We just love the art of body painting like this, especially when it comes from China's official news site...suggesting hope and freedom, or at least some sexy beauty, as the world progresses.

December 15, 2004


Canada Goes To Hell

Did you hear the screams? Did you feel the menacing chill? Did you see the black and ominous clouds, moving north?

Did you sense, in other words, the very presence of Satan himself as he laughed maniacally and tossed around bucketfuls of ultrathin condoms and little travel-size packets of Astroglide like confetti while riding his Harley Softail up to Toronto or maybe Edmonton to join the ghastly and sodomitic celebrations?

Because it's happened. Canada's high court just ruled that the government can, if it so desires, redefine marriage to include gay couples, which it has declared it will do almost immediately, thus solidifying Canada's place as the chilly yet mellow and gay friendly and hockey-riffic epicenter of all known hell.

It's true. It's rather amazing. Gay marriage will be completely legal in Canada very soon. It's been oddly ignored in much of the U.S. media and hasn't really been much discussed among those in the terrified red states except when, deep in the night, from their respective lumpy twin beds, they whisper to each other across the room as they pop their Ambien and stroke their portfolios and curse their very genitals: Oh my God, what's wrong with those freakin' Canadians?...

Read the rest from Mark Morford here.

December 13, 2004

New York City

Here's a terrific column from Rachel Kramer Bussel on having a planned sex-date with Betty Dodson's young male partner, and on the enlightened concept of non-monogamy.

December 6, 2004


For those of you who find the lines between naughty or nice somewhat blurred this holiday season, stop wasting time fighting the feeling, the year's almost done -- spend what days are left enjoying your nice and naughty side. One place to start is with Northbound Leather’s Annual Leather Christmas Stocking. That’s the naughty bit. What’s nice is that for the 6th year, brothers, owners, and operators Bill and George Giaouris are donating the net proceeds from the sale of the stocking to Casey House Aids Hospice. Northbound Leather has supported AIDS causes since the early 80s, donating thousands of dollars in cash and products through various leather events.

December 1, 2004

Please take a minute today and find out what's happening on World AIDS Day in 2004.

Then read touching, personal profiles of three women living with HIV.

Take note that just this week, there is a bit of positive news - a possible "vaccine" for HIV patients. Though the experiment falls short of a breakthrough against AIDS, it represents a rare piece of good news in the field of vaccine research,

Read the story of Jim Pickett, who in October completed his first Chicago Marathon in four hours, 15 minutes and 11 seconds. In this column, written just before he ran the marathon, 38-year-old Pickett -- who was infected with HIV in 1995 -- talks about the heaven and hell (OK, mostly the hell) of marathon training.

Discover the ambitious "3 x 5 Initiative" -- a goal to treat 3 million by 2005.

Visit the, a complete resource for HIV/AIDS info...

...and check out what's new there, including the odd pairing of Nelson Mandela and Brad Pitt in the fight against AIDS in South Africa.

Visit the UNAIDS site - the main advocate for global action.

Here's a very interesting moving timeline of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, from 1980 to the present - and be sure to watch that bottom bar (the number of people living with HIV/AIDS) move.

And while we're in education mode, did you know that there are actually doctors and pharmacies in the U.S. who will not prescribe/fill birth control pill prescriptions? Read Ann Regentin's recent article in Clean Sheets on the erosion of birth control choice in America.

Visit the Condomania store often.

...and then check out the lovely art of Adriana Bertini's condom fashions.

Finally, there are a dozen different ways to donate, right here.

November 29, 2004


From an interesting interview with Jeanette Winterson (Written on the Body):

There is a yarn about Winterson involving saucepans. In 1997, to much attendant media moistness, she divulged that, when she first arrived in London as a boyish twentysomething, she serviced frustrated married women from the Home Counties in hotel rooms off Knightsbridge and Sloane Square. Having minimal access to the hard stuff, they paid her in Le Creuset.

The hilarity - of the story, of the telling of the story - tickles her still. "That was funny. It got blown up out of all proportion, but it was such a good story!" The kernel is true, she concedes, before adding, tantalisingly, "and I do have an awful lot of pans. Even now, if we get a big one with risotto stuck to the bottom, I say to Peggy, 'You've no idea how hard I had to work for that, and look what you've done to it...' - and I get biffed. It got all dressed up as lesbian prostitution, which it really wasn't. It was simply to do with a very strange and particular time which couldn't happen now, with ladies leading double lives. I was very young. They just wanted to buy me presents, and I needed cookware."

Read the rest here.

November 24, 2004


Beautiful body painting is definitely something we're thankful for!

November 19, 2004


Just try not to snicker...

Hostettler Mounting Campaign to Change The Name of Interstate 69

John Hostettler, the Congressman representing the 8th district of Indiana, has been convinced by local religious groups to introduce legislation in the House that would change the name of an Interstate 69 extension to a more moral sounding number.

There are plans to extend the interstate from Indianapolis through southwestern Indiana all the way through Texas into Mexico in the coming years. While most believe this highway will be good for the state’s economy, religious conservatives believe “I-69” sounds too risqué and want to change the interstate’s number.

Hostettler, a proponent of the interstate extension, agrees. "Every time I have been out in the public with an ‘I-69’ button on my lapel, teenagers point and snicker at it. I have had many ask me if they can have my button. I believe it is time to change the name of the highway. It is the moral thing to do."

Read the rest here

Notified that this story is not true, and has created a bit of havoc for Congressman John Hostettler's office, it's still funny that it seems entirely possible in today's strange, uptight American world.

November 15, 2004


on the Web

Be sure to drop in and bookmark Susie Bright's brand new journal - as always, she's full of interesting writing and great attitude!

November 9, 2004


Auburn Hills, Michigan

above me
her hair tints
   the full moon red

October 31, 2004


spooky times

A few Halloween tales from the archives,... and then some of the truly spooky things in our world are satirized in the finale of the Clean Sheets Sex & Politics month!

Here are the Sex & Politics rants & raves, sorted by character and desire:

On Kerry/Edwards:

Run for Orifice - Lydia Grand

Hope is on the Way - Susannah Indigo

On Laura Bush:

The New Laura - M. Riley

On Condoleeza:

Condoleeza Doesn't Like It - Bridget Cannon

On fucking presidents in general:

How To Fuck a President So It Means Something - Martha Garvey

On Monica & Chandra & those powerful men:

A Love Drive-By - Susan St. Aubin

On Janet Jackson and terror:

For Janet - Shon Richards

On Love and War, and other passions political:

Love and War - Kara Noel

P.S. - Margaret Pritchard

Vicarious - Lee Skinner

The Private Members' Bill - Lisette Ashton

For gay marriage...or not:

Matrimony - Shannon Kizzia

The Story of an Almost Marriage - by Robert Taylor

The Prong of Permanency - by Cheryl Clarke

On choice and words and freedom:

Beyond Condoms: The Erosion of Choice in America - by Ann Regentin

The Feminist Cunt - by Cervo

Feminism and the Submissive Woman - by Kayla Kuffs

The Zen of BDSM - by Jean Roberta

October 25, 2004

at the movies

Go see Shall We Dance! This is one sexy movie...with no actual sex scenes. Love, passion, despair, humor, optimism, dancing, Richard Gere, and J.Lo's ass shaking things up -- what more could you want? The critics have been less than kind to this film, we'll assume because J.Lo's in it, but they're completely wrong -- it's great storytelling with great visuals, a definite must-see for anyone with a love of things sensual.

October 21, 2004

falafel sandwich

what women don't want

Fortunately at Clean Sheets we specialize in only good sex writing contests. And then there's Bill O'Reilly, who has inspired more than a few "Bad Sex Writing" contests, based on his, well, bad sex writing, in a novel called Those Who Trespass. But who knew that he hadn't even gotten near the real kink, leaving out the falaphilia?

The pertinent part of the sexual harassment complaint:

"...Well, if I took you down there then I'd want to take a shower with you right away, that would be the first thing I'd do...yeah, we'd check into the room, and we would order up some room service and uh and you'd definitely get two wines into you as quickly as I could get into you I would get 'em into you ... maybe intravenously get those glasses of wine into you ...

"You would basically be in the shower and then I would come in and I'd join you and you would have your back to me and I would take that little loofa thing and kinda' soap up your back ... rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water....and know, you'd feel the tension drain out of you and uh you still would be with your back to me then I would kinda' put my arm -- it's one of those mitts those loofa mitts you know, so I got my hands in it...and I would put it around front, kinda' rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs, get your nipples really hard ... 'cuz I like that and you have really spectacular boobs ...

"So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda' kissing your neck from behind...and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I'd put it on your pussy but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business ..."

October 14, 2004

Oprah Slaps Bush -- With 30 states poised to smack down women's rights again, the one true savior emerges

There was Oprah, doing what she does so freakishly well, cheerleading and extolling and impressing upon, getting women up and getting them angry and demanding that they exercise their hard-won right to vote and demanding that they quit dissing their feminist ancestors, the ones who worked so damn hard for suffrage and for freedom of choice and for the right to tell powerful white sexist Republican men where they can shove their repressive sexist antichoice bigotry.

This was her fabulous, much-needed message: Take your rights for granted at your peril, ladies. Move, or else. Choose how you want the laws to treat and respect you and your body -- or someone else, someone who hasn't touched a vagina for 30 years and who thinks sex is only tolerable in the dark, fully clothed and with a respectable prostitute, will choose for you.

Sound like a cliché? Same ol' quasi-feminist rally message? Not exactly. Not this time. Just imagine this:

Imagine Bush filches another election in November. Nations mourn, black clouds gather, children cry, colons spasm, the remaining shreds of the American experiment wither and die.

And within a very short time, as many as 30 U.S. states have recriminalized abortion and made repressing women and hating sex fun again, as young American females everywhere who thought their right to choose was pretty much incontrovertible and indisputable and unfailing and who therefore didn't bother to vote in '00 or '04 suddenly go, oh holy freaking hell.

Hello, 1950s. Hello, coat-hanger surgery. Hello, millions of despondent daughters of uptight parents. Hello, dead or mutilated teenage girls who suffer botched procedures. Hello, a fresh national nightmare, revisited, regurgitated, reborn. And hello again to smug right-wing males who've wanted to put women back in their place for the past 50 years. Check that: 200 years. Check that: forever.

Just a silly nightmare? Utterly impossible? A ridiculous liberal daydream? Not even close, sweetheart.

It's all about the Supreme Court, of course. Fact is, our next president will almost surely get to appoint a number of new high-court justices to replace those who will likely retire after enduring Bush's toxic first term. They hung in there, these few -- especially progressive stalwart Sandra Day O'Connor and moderate, pro-choice John Paul Stevens -- hoping to disallow the nation's highest judiciary from becoming overly stacked with homophobic self-righteous right-wing neocon wingnuts (hi, Justice Scalia!) who would have us revert -- morally, sexually, spiritually, misogynistically -- to 1953. Check that: 1853. Check that: 1353.

With the exception of nearly useless neoconservative sycophant Clarence Thomas, not a single justice now serving on the court is under 65. Many insiders say Stevens, O'Connor and bitter old man William Rehnquist (almost 80) are all likely to retire before 2008. BushCo's chosen replacements could easily tip the scales of the court the other direction, from its very precarious 5-4 progressive tilt to a very sneering 6-3 conservative one, a court that would then very easily overturn parts or even all of Roe v. Wade. Talk about a malicious legacy.

It gets worse. It gets nastier, more widespread. Because should Shrub swipe another term, he will also be on his way to naming more federal trial and appeals judges -- hundreds, by most counts -- than either Clinton or Reagan, the last two-term presidents. Bush could, in short and for all intents and purposes, stack the nation's courts with enough neoconservative, antichoice, antiwomen crusaders to make Strom Thurmond giggle in his grave.

Which brings us straight back to Oprah. Say what you will about the often weirdly effusive and overtly gushy and often slightly smarmy woman who just gave away 276 Pontiacs to her entire studio audience (hard to tell if that was an act of astounding generosity and beneficence, or some sort of weird punishment -- I mean, they were Pontiacs), but the woman can electrify and inspire and educate her millions of devoted viewers like nobody's business.

And if there's one famously disenfranchised and alienated and apathetic voting bloc that needs to get off its collective yoga butt and stand up and make itself known this election lest it lose an even larger chunk of its basic human rights than it even realizes, it's youngish women.

This is, after all, what so many women don't seem to know. That the Bush administration has already, in just a few short years, managed to roll back a truly astounding number of their basic rights, making it more difficult, for example, for doctors to perform abortions, or making it illegal for schools to discuss contraception or for hospitals to discuss pregnancy-termination options.

From demeaning and ineffectual abstinence-only programs to biased counseling to cutting all funding for international women's health organizations that provide care to poor women in third-world nations (hell, Bush hacked that one away in his first month in office), Dubya has done more than any president in the last 100 years to smack women upside their sexually empowered heads.

Oh and by the way, that suggestion currently being floated by some in the GOP that the Iraq war has become so nasty and desperate that we might very well need to reinstate the military draft? That draft includes young women. And oh yes, Bush has already upheld the ban on abortions for servicewomen stationed overseas, even if they were raped, even if they pay for it themselves. Feeling patriotic yet?

This has been the GOP's message to women since, well, forever: Be like Laura Bush -- submissive, matronly, heavily shellacked and ever flashing a disquieting mannequin grin, off in the corner reading stories to the kids and cutting lots of pretty ceremonial ribbons and keeping quiet about the Important Stuff and never having sex and always be standing just out of the spotlight, secondary and inferior and in the background. You know, right where you belong...

From (The San Francisco Chronicle) -- read the rest of Mark Morford's column here.

October 12, 2004

on the Web

Sex for Voters only: Have sex with a voter on election night, and withhold sex from non-voters.... see the details at Votergasm.

October 7, 2004

vote for sex!

right here in Clean Sheets!

It's October, and maybe you're tired of politics already -- but wouldn't it be nice to hear about nothing but sex in our politics? That's exactly what we haves in store for you during the next four weeks! We have ten winners from our erotic writing contest, with topics ranging from Condoleeza's ass, to how to fuck a president so it means something, to the new erotic terror-alert colors! We're also bringing you serious articles about sexual/political issues, including the submission/feminism conflict, gay marraige, freedom of speech, and other hot topics. All of this is wrapped within our normal erotic content of poetry, exotica, a new Violet chapter, and a beautiful Susan St. Aubin story in fiction about Monica and Chandra and the girls who have loved powerful men.

October 3, 2004


Gay marriage comes to Springfield! The long-awaited coming-out-of-the-closet gay Simpsons character is...

click here only if you want to know!

October 1, 2004

John Kerry

hope is on the way (and sexy, to boot!)

September 27, 2004

And you thought you knew what cybersex was!...check out the Sinulator, the new sex toy that hooks up to your computer and lets it be controlled by someone far away. Sounds like a good concept... maybe...but what do women love most about cybersex? Informal survey of my girlfriends is unanimous -- it's the words, the language, the atention, the focus, you know, all those things that tend to be missing with too many men in real life!

September 16, 2004

I can't be the only person who can barely stand to be in a room with someone of the opposite political leanings this season, never mind date them, or lust after them...but help is on the way -- left & right & even "green" online personals sites abound!

Act For Love
Liberal Hearts
Republican Singles
Green Dates
Single Republicans
Love in War
Conservative Match

September 9, 2004

Sunset --
suckling the moon tattoo
just above her nipple.

September 6, 2004

August 30, 2004

Kerri Walsh and Misty May, winning the gold for Beach Volleyball


Yes, I know they're serious athletes, but still, I'm in love....
and they even brought their own bikini cheerleaders,
very thoughtful!

August 27, 2004


Male "chastity belt art" entitled "Warum mein Gatte seit einiger Zeit mir wieder mehr Aufmerksamkeit schenkt" ("Why my husband is paying me more attention recently").

August 23, 2004

on the Web

Clean Sheets official sex-toy sponsor, Toys in Babeland, has a fun and interesting sex-info blog,where they've recently recommended Britney Spears check out their "How to Suck Strap-0n Cock" article!

August 19, 2004


Now there's a picture from the opening ceremonies that was carefully focused on the top only on American TV!

And it's quite entertaining to read the current Playboy magazine with twelve naked Olympic female athletes featured, while trying to catch their events. I give Playboy credit for at least posing them as athletes and not cheesecake-girls, as another "mens" magazine has done. Playboy also has a great interview in the same issue with the "Don't Be Evil" Google-founder boys, who explain just exactly what that company philosophy means.

August 13, 2004

on the Web

Here's an interesting resource list of kink friendly professionals, including all types of counselors/psychologists.

And be sure to bookmark Clean Sheets' newly updated erotic events calendar, to find some good links and see what's happening in your area!

August 4, 2004

at the movies

The Door in the Floor, which is currently playing at art houses, is an absolutely gorgeous, erotic work of art. Amazing performances by Jeff Bridges, Kim Bassinger, and Mimi Rogers, with plenty of nudity, humor, tension, and sadness all mixed together -- this is the first third of John Irving's novel A Widow for One Year adapted for the screen. A marriage falls apart after a tragedy, while their darling little girl watches (another haunting performance, she breaks your heart); a teenager comes on the scene and falls in love with Kim Bassinger; Jeff Bridges wanders around naked playing/working at writing and art while fumbling at life; and the storytelling from the photos of times gone by is breathtaking. It's a perfect blend of grief and laughter, mystery and illumination, highly sensual, and definitely not to be missed.

July 25, 2004

on the Web

First, the unsexiest, yet very important, thing to read:

Cost of the War in Iraq
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..and then a different kind of beauty -- free galleries of an "older" woman -- the type of site that can be found in so many places on the Web, and is always best sorted out by our beloved Janes Guide.

July 21, 2004

in the bedroom

Because sometimes it's easier than finding a date?...

Realdoll vs. Superbabe: A charming comparison between two of the most popular silicone dolls today

July 14, 2004

Washington, D.C.

Today a divided U.S. Senate blocked U.S. President George W. Bush's election-year attempt to ban gay marriage through a constitutional amendment. "This debate is about politics...solely for partisan advantage," declared Sen. Edward Kennedy (D, Massachusetts). Falling short of the 60 votes needed to advance the amendment, the final tally was 48 in favour, and 50 opposed. Forty-five Republicans and three Democrats voted to advance the amendment, while 43 Democrats, six Republicans and one independent voted against it.

"If the real, underlying issue in this debate is the fear that human beings will someday be allowed to marry animals -- if Smoltz, Dailey and others are honestly and truly worried by that prospect -- then let's address that issue head on. Let's pass a Federal Animals, Relationships and Marriage amendment to the U.S. Constitution that outlaws all interspecies marriages, period..." Read the rest of this funny essay here

Barbara Boxer debating Rick Man-on-Dog-sex Santorum on "The News Hour":

"This is a great country of great traditions. And all this 'threats against marriage' -- now, I don't know how my colleague feels about it, I've been married for 42 years and I can tell you I know a lot of people with long-term marriages. They are not threatened when two people who happen to be the same gender move down the street, and care about each other, and visit each other in the hospital. This does not threaten their marriages. And I think if someone is threatened, if their marriage is threatened by this, they have deeper issues they have to deal with."

July 9, 2004

Helsinki, Finland

i want to be your dog
i want to be your enemy
i want to be your pudding
i want to be your meat

i want to be
your rock, your moss, your bass guitar
your snow, your melt, your free delivery

i want to be
a drop of honey on your lips
and the man with the licorice guns
on my hips
i want to be your mellow bend
your wriggling's end
your reason
your sin
your blueberries.

June 28, 2004

Auburn Hills, Michigan

flag day
the rippling stars
on her silk bikini

Reader Comments


Clean Sheets' new web log, Short Sheets, will be updated with notes from the sexual front...and behind...several times a week!

Read the earlier notes in the archives





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